AFTERMATH

this could be the last post for this blog...
adilah amin,
if you read this, i want u to know...
that all post that i posted here is about my mom...
whether u want to believe it or not,
it's up to u...
there's nothing to do with our relationshp...
being the eldest is not as easy as it looks...
all the blame come to me...
the execution is on me...

i rather be sick than facing the whole world again...
lately i went for the check up...
sorry adilah for not telling u...
but the doctor said that the infection gone through my vein...
hard for me to hear that...
soon, but not nearly these days...

i stop smoking...
it's been a week...
i felt better...
but thinking of the diseases that strike me...
i don't think i could survived...

adilah...
since the day we've been together...
i never felt sad because of u...
i never felt burden because of u...
i never had a feeling of finding someone else...

i just felt sad because of the allowances...
everytime allowances were bank in,
there's so many things to pay...
ink printer, paper, book, clubs and blocks...
i have left only about RM 200...

after seeing Wawa paid the ticket with all his allowances,
i felt sorry for him..
i helped him...
we ate together...
whatever he have to pay something,
i paid for him...
he's a Sarawakian...
during Raya he stay at the hostel...
it must be hard for him to live alone here...

adilah,
i always be a friend where they were in trouble...
when they were happy,
of course they forget about me...
i don't care bout that...

what i care is you, adilah...
i love u so much, deeply in my heart...
every night i started to cry worried bout u...
when u told me that u were having misunderstanding with ur family,
and u told me that u have to sleep on rug,
i sleep on the floor, crying for u...
under the fan...
everynight is very cold...
every morning i woke up, i will shiver until fever stike me down...
i wanted to feel what u feel...
i want to be there for u...

now that u are not believe in me...
i hope u will again...
because my love for u was never faded....
only u in my heart...
and only u who could make this heart appreciated...